Save Me by Aimee Mann from the Magnolia soundtrack.
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Michael Schumacher
This is a gift for my friend, Michael. If you’ve seen me dance with a guy here on the blog- that’s Michael. Some years ago, seven? Eight? I found myself at the bottom of a well, very far from myself. I wanted to dance. I emailed him and he said I could come to Amsterdam to work with him. We hadn’t seen each other in a bunch of years. Michael? You totally saved me. And you taught me everything I know about improvisation and lots about hard work and love and leaving my hair down. Happy birthday. This one’s for you.
I’ve finished my week in Amsterdam. On the second day in the studio I got excited and started jumping around. (I get excited.) I re-injured my calf.
“Maybe we shouldn’t try to dance like we used to,” I said to Michael.
“Why should we?” he replied.
It was so simple. So perfect. In that little response was all the information I needed. Why be something that you are not? Love this moment now. Love this body now.
So in this deflated non-expecting state we did the first couch dance. And made a little magic. The magic only comes when you are present. Oh boy.
Instead of letting the situation bring us down, it forced us into the present with more clarity. Along with the disappointment of not being able to do a lot, was a new freedom in seeing all the expectations float away. Now we just show up and be who we are. See what happens. It was good. Or better than that. It WAS.
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I’m flying to Amsterdam tonight. I’ll stay in a tiny hotel room, jet lagged out of my mind, sore as frak, exhausted, and deliriously happy. Because I will be meeting Michael in the studio, and the two of us will be listening to the whispers, dancing, and laughing. In a very important moment I allowed myself this creative adventure. And it changed my life. Do you have a dream? Try to imagine yourself taking it.
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Sometimes I need a swift kick in the ass. Or a knife in the calf.
I write a lot about listening. Following your path. Being connected to yourself. And then. Sometimes…(not totally full of shit, merely falling down human.)
Sometimes I’m so distracted, selfish, gobbling up everything life will give me, that I need a reminder to slow down.
I’m in class. At the barre. (too many balls in the air. The little voice tells me I need to slow down. I reply, “I don’t know how.”)
In the center. Calf feeling weird. Rub rub stretch stretch. Get back out there.
Beautiful, lovely…Bang. Owww.
It’s a calf strain or little tear or who the hell knows. I limp out of class. The physical therapist reminds me that it was six years ago that I did this. Exactly. And then I realize. Yes, that I didn’t listen to the whispers. Yes, I needed help in slowing down. But also! that I am in a completely different place than I was six years ago. Perspective!
So even though I’m limping and worried about my next dance venture in 10 days….I realize how lucky I am. How much I love and appreciate my life- my family and friends and readers. Thank you!
W Michael Schumacher in Santa Barbara. Photo by Mehosh
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Another on the-spot improv with Michael Schumacher- summer 08. (Shot by my son in the Ballet Tech studio, 890 Broadway, where Michael and I first danced together twenty some years before!)
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I hadn’t danced with anyone in years. Decades.
And then one little miracle crumb after another would show up and whisper in my ear. (Yes. Miracle crumbs whisper.) Why not? I found the courage to email Michael Schumacher, my friend in Amsterdam. I would love to dance with you again! He’s officially the sweetest person on the planet, so he graciously invited me to come work with him.
Then I had to tell my husband that I wanted to go to Amsterdam. Alone.
That moment is etched in my memory. We were sitting at the dining room table and I’d felt almost afraid to utter the words. My eyes teared up. Of course, as always, he was supportive. “Great idea!” he said.
The outer layer of fear was obvious. I’m old! My body won’t hold up. My brain won’t be able to remember anything. I will look stupid.
But the inner fear, the one that brought tears to my eyes, was darker. What if I loved it so much that I didn’t want to come home?
I did go. We did dance. I did LOVE IT SO MUCH. I went back several more times. I’m going again in June. How many more times will I be able to? I only have today.
But I also came back to my family. We can have everything. Just not all in the same day. Or on the same continent.
Me, Michael and Jennifer Grissette (who went from dancing with us in New York to The Frankfurt Ballet.)
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