Megan Matthieson

The Barre is my temple.  This is where I go to worship.  To meet myself.  To have my fingers peeled off of the past and forced into the now.

I’m always a beginner here. It’s a humbling experience. My only clear choice is to to give up.  Give in.  Get over it.  Every day I meet myself where I am.

I used to be more pliable, stronger, no end in sight to the ease of muscle.  Now it’s hard, but also soaked in  poignancy. Without the threat of death, there is no life.

Will this be my last class?  I never know.  This is where I serve the universe.  But I didn’t always feel this way.  Most of my career I would go to class to feel good about myself.  To reassure myself.  Am I good enough?

No longer.

Now.  I walk into class with an offering of myself.  I’m lucky to be here.  I practice INTEGRITY.  It’s all I have.  And every now and then I feel a brilliance move through me.  If I try to grab it, it’s gone.  Like a ghost, she enters me, and then leaves again.  Always leaving.  Ever dying.  But I was graced, for a moment with her divinity.  (Again, to LOVE without EXPECTATION.)

Do I sound like a fanatic?  I suppose this is my religion.  It’s the practice.  The 10, 000 hours.  Or 10 million tendus.  It’s going back to the beginning every single time.

Give me one more day to offer myself.

And where do you offer yourself?  If you don’t know- try something.  Try any activity with the intention of giving all of yourself without asking for anything in return. See what happens.

Shot by Perry Lang.  State St Ballet Class taught by Gary Mackenzie.

LOVE MY WAY by The Psychedelic Furs

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