by Megan on November 1, 2011
What if your greatest contribution to the world (written in the stars) was something small? You colored the frosting that covered the cakes for the people in your town.
You do it with love. You are very good.
Are the small details of the day less important than the distance with which your product travels, the number of hits your website gets, the more someone calls your name? How do you measure your existence?
Is quiet and diminutive less important? Or can you perfect your role in the corps de ballet, knowing that you are part of something grand that sweeps across the stage?
I’d like to slow my life down, to let go of ideas of grandeur and success and find, peacefully, the place I’m most needed. In this place I won’t feel burdened, but only in step with my inner workings. Peaceful. With sparkle.
This, I think, is what you take with you. The way that you spent your time. Not looking to be anointed, acknowledged, popularized, but only feeling your right place.
My frosting is light pink. My cakes are small. My love, part of the universal.
by Megan on October 27, 2011
I’ve been living in Brooklyn for the last couple of months with a view of the Williamsburg bridge. I can’t say I’ve been
wanting to cross the bridge on my bike, but I’ve certainly been
called to cross it.
This is not a biggie. But I can be fearful about these things.
So for the ADVENTURE and the HAVING DONE IT, I decide that when my new helmet arrives at the bike shop in Manhattan I will ride across the bridge to get it. I got the call on Friday, and set out Saturday morning.
At the last minute a dear friend decides to come with me. Fun! As we peddle the long climb onto the bridge I tell her that I’m nervous. I’m not sure if it’s the height, or the fact that I don’t know if I’ll be able to turn around? Just the general unknown I guess. She says she is nervous too. We keep going, even though I start to have the physical sensation, the hot tingling sort of unease called PANIC. And then the situation turns on a dime.
My friend starts to panic as well. She’s not experiencing this on the inside with a smile on her face, but all over the outside to the extent that I am totally focused on her. She needs to get off and walk her bike, slowly, very slowly, all the way across. I talk to her the whole way, telling her how great she’s doing and we don’t have that much further and all kinds of cheerful you can do it kinds of phrases. I watch her the whole time.
Sometime after the middle of the bridge I realize that all my fear has left me. Where did it go? It disappeared as I focussed on someone else. Compassion filled every crevice where fear was hiding.
It got me to thinking about fear, about all the times, as a mother in particular, that I grew strong in an instant when I needed to be.
If I can help you? Let me know. You will be doing me a great service.
Here are some pics of our adventure!
(The bridge dumps out into the Lower East Side. It was thrilling to ride in Manhattan on a sunny Saturday morning!)
by Megan on October 25, 2011
I’ll be joining
The Thank You Note Project.
Not because I’m a Stationery Freak. Which I am.
Not because dropping a card into the mail which I’ve written and stamped makes me feel GOOD. Which it does.
Not in support of Bindu Wiles. Well of course.
Not so that I can try the Postagram app. (Gonna!)
But, because of all the ways in which I can give back to the world, this one has the most impact. Appreciation. When a day goes by and I haven’t appreciated someone, I’m less. Less blessed. Less loving. Explaining and showing someone how they have improved my life or gifted me with their wonderful work or simply inspired me? This gift goes both ways. (My post on this.)
The act of thanking someone enables me to feel blessed. Period.
Will you join me? For every one of my followers who join the project I will be sending you a personal appreciation. If I don’t know you I will look at your site or your blog and appreciate in that direction. (Send me an email when you sign up!)
November is for Thanks. With Love. And Appreciation. <3
by Megan on October 21, 2011
I think we spend a lot of time and energy trying to get more
quantity into our day. More hours. More things done. More brilliant ideas hatched.
The thought of letting this go is scary. Perhaps you might lie down on the bed and decide not to get up?
But what if, instead of more, you thought about how. How you are going to get out of bed. Tenderly towards yourself? Thankful for another morning? A chance to make amends to a loved one?
And how will you make your breakfast? Without a thought towards the food, but your mind already racing towards the unsolved problems in the future. Do you do this too?
There isn’t any getting over our rushing ahead into the future, but maybe for small periods during the day we can work on QUALITY. How am I being in relation to this situation? What am I bringing to this PARTY?
(Hold the soap in the other hand! See what happens.)
Let’s think about painting each day, just a little bit, with a lovely color. Something that reflects your heart.
by Megan on October 17, 2011
You want people to be good to you. You think that loved ones, especially, should treat you a certain way. You think this ‘way’ is universally called THE RIGHT WAY TO TREAT SOMEONE YOU LOVE.
You are troubled when a friend acts differently then you think they should.
They are wrong!
If you are very lucky you realize that all the KNOWLEDGE you thought you had in the bag is just an illusion.
For instance.
I am guilty of wanting people to treat me a certain way. Sometimes I want them to be with me, to pay attention, in A CERTAIN WAY.
But the truth, once again, lies with me. My lesson to learn, RIGHT NOW, is how to be more deeply WITH MYSELF.
All that you believe is on the outside is really on the inside. Look closely at what you gripe about most. Now turn this on yourself. Are you sure you pass the test? And if you could strengthen this need, complaint, problem, within yourself…What happens to everyone around you?
This isn’t to say I would let anyone be bad to me. No! But the deeper connection you have to yourself, the more closely you hold your own care and feeding, the less you will need life sustaining care from someone else.
And the less you need….
The more you can SHARE. The more you can OFFER.
So I’m going into this next season looking to be more deeply connected with myself.
What are the ways that you connect deeply with yourself?
by Megan on October 11, 2011
These pictures are taken near my apartment in Brooklyn, along the main street that I live on. About a month ago I noticed two people working under the Williamsburg Bridge, putting something on the railings. After a couple of days it was done.
It says….PLAN AHEAD.
I passed it several more times before stopping and looking closely.
Each railing is covered in KNIT TUBES.
I’m thinking this is fabulous. I’m thinking of every LITTLE CHICK (idea) that hatches into my hand that I let walk right off. Let’s try to put one or two of these ideas into action. Let’s try, really try, to put ourselves in the places that help us slow down. So that we can fall into more contemplative time and not only hatch the chicks, but see them grow.
by Megan on October 3, 2011
I had a melt down.
At every new juncture of life a couple of things happen. Well- a couple of things happen for ME. I get very hopeful at the newness of everything. (I moved a lot as a kid and I remember feeling a sense that all things are possible if we can just start again. )
Of course this is only partly true.
The the drawer dividers and the route to the subway can be new. But all the emotional baggage comes along with you.
Your unmended parts reveal themselves once again. Right. MY unmended parts. My little child within, ever hopeful, thinks that all of life’s problems might, this time!, be solved.
This doesn’t happen.
And it’s very good news.
Pinned to the wall with your own hurts and stories and coping mechanisms that are outdated feels horrible. But only in this place, with your gaping wounds (Right. My gaping wounds!) fully revealed, do you have another chance to grow. And I really want to grow. Let go. And be free of outdated story lines.
Life is exciting and new and sometimes hard right now. I’m working my ass off. I’m faced with, once again, the reality that all of this is mine. That it’s all mine to shift and change. And I’m shocked at how deep under the skin some of this was buried.
I don’t like looking messy. One of my ways of dealing is trying to be TOGETHER.
I’m not so together. But I guess that was a façade anyway. We never really have it together. As I write this I still feel so hopeful and in love with life. Humbled by my own imperfections, but alive with possibility.
Melting down? This too, can be good.
by Megan on September 27, 2011
So you are riding your bike down the street with ease. Your focus on the horizon. Your legs peddling, one circle after the next, accomplished with ease.
Then you see a pothole.
Suddenly it’s hard to stay in a straight line and as you get closer to it you wobble and panic and you barely miss the hole.
You went right towards what you were focused on.
(Keep the middle and long distance in mind daily. Don’t focus on the holes. Or the momentary irritation!)
by Megan on September 20, 2011
I was talking to my therapist, Ian, about a difficult feeling that comes over me. I segued into thoughts about my mother.
“It’s not really about your mother anymore, but about the mother that’s IN you.”
I thought about this.
Of course.
My mother is gone. I can see clearly now that she did the very best she could under difficult circumstances. I think about her creativity and her incredible spirit.
When I have struggled the most it’s because my trust in myself is not solid. The child in me is not fully trusting that the mother will keep her safe.
We carry the mother and the child with us. (And all those other characters!)
If you have had a mother that met most of your needs, then creating your version of her within you may come easily. You probably aren’t even aware of this trust issue within yourself. But if you carry unmet needs, then creating this loving mother is work that is helpful. Times a million.
The beauty is that we are free to create her from scratch. She can be ever patient. Loving. Your biggest cheerleader. (It helped to become a mother myself to gain some of these skills, although my real life mothering to my children was faulty on many occasions as she was dealing with my own inner child who was, at times, louder than the children in front of me. )
I have incredible, loving support in my life, but I need her more than ever. There are things I want to do, and places I want to go that will take her strong guidance and belief in me. The stronger her arms around me, the braver and freer I become.
When was the last time someone patiently sat with you while you were sick? Or listened to you rant when you were upset? This is something you can do for yourself. Healing becomes possible and you no longer need to wait for someone else to show up or change to meet your needs. I think this is good news.
Every step we take in BECOMING what we are looking for is a step towards a stronger and more peaceful self.
by Megan on September 12, 2011
If you follow me on Twitter you know I have a new bike. No big deal. Very big deal.
If you follow me here on the blog you know I deal with fear. I have a lot of it. I try to creep it down.
I’m also convinced that the things that make you nervous are secretly (or not so secretly) the things that will pull you towards your center. Your I AM ALIVE-NESS.
So I live in Brooklyn now where there’s a big bike community. My beloved old car is sold and has retained it’s California plates. The nearest subway is a thirteen minute walk from the apartment. I need wheels.
I didn’t learn to ride a bike when I was young. You could say I didn’t have the typical Cleever childhood. When I was in Jr High I asked for a 10 speed for Christmas without ever having learned. Everyone else had one, I needed one too. No one knew that I didn’t know how to ride. (I guess I started my cliff leaping early on.)
So now I’m 52. The bike shop is in Manhattan. After a long afternoon of trying different seats and adding a handbrake and picking out a helmet, I’m out the door with my new two wheeled wonder. With the careful and loving support of Bindu Wiles I ride up Lafayette to 4th Ave and Union Square.
Um. Do you know Union Square? I had just enough fear to keep me WIDE AWAKE, with a big dose of Woohoooo.
I want to ride every day I can. It’s a completely new world peddling down the city street, my skirt pulling back in the breeze, the biggest grin on my face. I think I dreamt of this. Freedom. Happiness. Life can be new if you make yourself available to it.
What is next?
Find your little or big scary of the week. Set yourself free. Tell me about it.
Photo taken by Bindu Wiles. #iPhonePhotographerExtrordinaire
