Megan Matthieson

Hope Is Dead

by Megan on June 13, 2013

We think that this idea, HOPE!, is a good thing.

But it’s not.

Hope is the focus and wish for something that doesn’t exist. It is living in some future moment that is not real. If the goal is contentment, or happiness, or inner peace,

We wouldn’t even know what to hope for.

“I hope I win the lottery!” She thinks this will bring her happiness, once and for all.

But happiness and Ease and Contentment can only happen in a moment. Or several moments put together.

A moment when you are present.

There is no reality that says winning the lottery = peace and happiness. (It could very well mean that you turn into a giant asshole, lose all your friends, and feel empty inside having bought your way out of every uncomfortable situation, leaving you with lots of dough and no love, peace, or emotional contentment.)

What is true, instead, is that you can have that happiness now. This is the only moment when it is available.

If you knew what to hope for it would be something like…hard times that bring you to your knees enough to show you that your ways are no longer useful, that your regular jig is no longer entertaining, much less productive, that all the stuff you thought you were so sure of….is bullshit. So much bullshit that you are willing to try something new. To CHANGE.

You might wish to realize that you know nothing. And then experience life opening up and new possibilities awaiting. You might wish for being fully alive, which means pain as well as pleasure. Quiet and lonely as well as FUN. You would hope for everything.

You would wish to lean into reality because stiffening against it makes you miserable. And stuck. And wishing for things like winning the lottery….

You would wish for seeing what’s in front of your face instead of being lost in your trance of future unreality. Or past days.

So hope? Isn’t it really like an old hallmark card? Let’s think of something better. Like AVAILABILITY.

Love, truly, is available now.

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Blue

by Megan on April 11, 2013

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Love. Or Fear?

by Megan on March 28, 2013

Are your actions, your thoughts, motivated by love? Or fear?

Pour them all into a sieve,

Some things will flow through, dissolving. Some will not, like chunks of stuckness which you take out of the sieve and put back in the place with all the other things that keep you gripping the side of the river. Fear is the motivator of a small life.

The little actions and thoughts that flowed through the sieve were motivated by love. They came from the place in you that knows you are part of this loving universe. The chunks? Those are the things, words, thoughts, perfectionisms, that came from a fearful place. We all have a fearful place.

We are motivated from both of these starting points, we open and close like a sea anemone. Life is scary.

So ask yourself often, am I coming from love (this feels gentle and relaxing) or fear? (tight, rushed) and shift your starting point.

This adjusts your thinking direction,

Which changes your action,

Which opens you to changing your life, in the direction of love.

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Only You

by Megan on March 5, 2013

If you can stay with yourself through the uncomfortable moments. Through whole days of uncertainty and grief- If you can bravely stay with the hurt, then
Something germinates. Waiting to come.
If you can let go of filling the void quickly, but instead
Sit with yourself. All of your self, even the parts that are suffused in shame.
Being with, even that?
Something grows. In the dark.
If you can see the old story line and let it go like something that no longer fits, letting it dissolve in the knowledge that it is no longer alive but only a dead animal you carry
Starting to know that the weight of it is slowing your journey, then set it down.
It served you once, but not today,
Get quiet and feel the only you
And inside the only you is the container filled with everything you need.
Something begins.
Will yourself to many funerals, and in the dying let the fresh moment be.
What is this that survives the destruction?
This infinite you. Begins again.

Broken Obelisk by Annalee Newman outside the Rothko Chapel- Houston, Texas

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Stand At The Open Door

by Megan on February 5, 2013

I’m taking a class entitled The Psychology of Creativity. The text is Explaining Creativity by R Keith Sawyer. It gets may brain going. Of the 8 stages that one typically goes through to generate a ‘creative’ idea, I’d like to add one. This is my own version of his list.

Find the problem. (What catches your interest?)
Acquire knowledge. (Don’t rush this one, the 10,000 hours and all of that.)
Gather information. (Possibilities, Tools, Reality checks go here.)
Incubate. (Rest, Trust, Let Go.)
Return to 2 and 3.
Combine all your thoughts and ideas in different combinations. (Get out of the box.)
Pick the best combination.
Make it. Share it.

And the step that I would like to add, which really isn’t a step but more like a space that you live in:

9. Stand at the open door and say yes.

Baby chicks are hatching all around. Give yours the time to actualize.

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What’s Your Theme for 2013?

by Megan on December 31, 2012

The universe has conspired to give me a retreat week. What a lovely gift. I’ve been offline, mostly, for lots of reasons including another move, the holidays, and school work. I’m also in another creative/work transition. More dress rehearsal if you will. I’m not sure when the performance will be scheduled, but I’ll be sure to let you know.

My theme for 2013 is Deeper Connection to Self. This means growing an even closer and more meaningful bond with my inner life, and knowing that I can depend, deeply, on myself for truth.

While this is all good stuff, it also means being willing to hear what is NOT for me. Letgoletgoletgo. (I read this article in O mag on the plane, a conversation between Oprah and Caroline Myss, and felt inspired. Maybe you will like it too.)

This is self care without the calories, loud music or good photo op.

I’m also revisiting Chris Guillebeau’s wonderful template for goal setting. My categories are Health, Spiritual, Creative, Business, Home, Family/Friends, and School.

What is your theme? Make the time to consider it, create the picture in your mind, and write it down.

Happy New Year!

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Be The Nest (a meditation)

by Megan on September 7, 2012

Here is a meditation I practice for letting go.

Put your hands together but keep the palms open as if you are making a little open nest with your hands.

Now imagine a beautiful baby bird resting there. (This is your tiny chic, your big idea, the love of your dreams)

You can feel the urge to hold onto the bird, but you don’t. Instead, you just let it rest there.

And then you see it start to fly a bit, to venture out. Feel this. It’s scary. This is the work.

Now imagine that this little bird feels the safety of you- the un-neediness of you. You have become the beautiful resting place. You have BECOME the that which you are looking for. Rest here. Can you imagine how wonderful you are to come home to?

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Without (part 2 of letting it go)

by Megan on September 5, 2012

I know. I don’t like to be without either.

That hour or two without food in your stomach (as you lean into this feeling of hunger)

The itchiness of the posted blog (and the ease with which you walk away from your laptop)

The lone holiday present (nearly forgotten as you make real connection with your loved one)

The state of being WITHOUT is when you build your spiritual muscle. How long can you stay in this place without getting grabby? Being without leaves space to receive.

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Letting Go (and getting it back) Part 1

by Megan on September 3, 2012

Working hard, making an effort, enables you to get somewhere. Do something. I believe in a strong work ethic.

I also have a large agenda of things I would like to experience in this life. I have wants. Lots of them.

But here’s the thing about getting what you want. I know you know this, but it’s hard to hold on to. You have the best chance of attaining your dreams when you can LET THEM GO.

What I mean is…Expectations, waiting for the return, thinking you know what you deserve, is THE SHORTEST DISTANCE FROM HERE TO DISAPPOINTMENT.

I’m not saying don’t have intentions. DO. Set that sh*t up. Make the master plan. Gotta have it. But then, you have to let it go. Every last bit of it.

It’s hard to let go of something and not have anything to replace it. So this is what you replace it with: The universe sees me and is gong to provide me with a beautiful scenario for my growth and depth.

With growth and depth is happiness. I promise. (Just like all the new jeans and fancy restaurants are not.)

You can’t PRETEND to let go. Hand it over. Open your palms. Twice a day. Build a faith muscle. Be a bigger person.

So now you have let go, you have blown out your wish to the universe, and you are taking the daily disciplined actions of taking good care of your dreams and building a day that you are proud of. Since you are not GRIPPING and EXPECTING (unattractive!), you have more room for spaciousness. Now you can wake up with each day and wonder, like a child, what the day will hold. Good things, hard things, but all for your further development.

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Taking Time

by Megan on August 31, 2012

I needed some time.

To not write.

To not video. To not use a camera or remember an idea. To not plan and schedule, demonstrate my ability to grow, see myself further than I was last week, to not learn much of anything I could write down here or tell you at lunch.

Having faith in doing nothing feels about right. (I get fully into summmer and vacations just as they are about to run out, the power of loss making them sweeter.)

Slow it down. Human Be. Happy end of summer.

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← Previous Entries

Megan Matthieson

Hope Is Dead

Blue

Love. Or Fear?

Only You

Stand At The Open Door

What’s Your Theme for 2013?

Be The Nest (a meditation)

Without (part 2 of letting it go)

Letting Go (and getting it back) Part 1

Taking Time

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